Dad's Place
The Family Corner
Chris is the father of two girls ages 6.5 and 3. He chronicles his experiences as a father and provides other valuable information to parents through his blog DadofDivas.com and DadofDivas-Reviews.blogspot.com . He began blogging prior to the birth of his second daughter in 2008, and since then, DadofDivas.com has exponentially grown. Outside of his home, Chris works in the college administration field and focuses his expertise in precollege planning, admission, advising and other areas.
The Family that Tries New Year’s Resolutions Together, Keeps New Year’s Resolutions Together
2012 is almost here, and that means New Year’s resolutions are due. If you’re like many people, you know the drill: You make resolutions, you do well with them the first few weeks, you do less well with them after the first month, and you give up on them after a few months. But for all of you families out there, I have an approach that may help you have greater success with your 2012 resolutions.
Of course most of us have the best of intentions in following through on our resolutions, but it’s hard to make such big changes on our own. In this vein, as a husband and parent, I’ve learned that people can do a much better job of sticking to their resolutions if they do them together as a family. If your spouse or children are also keeping track of how well you’re making progress toward a resolution, you not only disappoint yourself when you begin to reach short of a resolution, you disappoint them, too. And the same goes for them when you’re a part of keeping track of their progress. Think of the old saying: There’s safety in numbers.
In particular, I’ve seen two ways that making resolutions as a family can help individual family members better reach their goals. First, simply making a commitment to hold each other accountable for resolutions creates an added incentive not to disappoint a family member with a lapse in will. If your goal is to lose 10 pounds and you have a young daughter who is helping you with this, would you really eat that big after-dinner snack at home as easily as you would if no one but you were keeping tabs on your progress?
A second way that tackling resolutions together as a family can help family members better reach their goals is that, by going through this process, you can show your children the importance of sticking with something and seeing things through to the end. The bigger lesson here about reaching New Year’s resolutions is that, more than achieving just a single goal, it shows your children that they can succeed in making big changes and accomplishing worthy goals if they put their minds to it. If your son has a goal to improve his grade in math, and if you keep checking in on him to push him to help him ultimately achieve this, this can serve as a tremendous motivator for his confidence at a formative age.
For these two reasons, I highly recommend you see this time of making resolutions as one that is not in isolation. Making resolutions should be something that does not just occur at the turn of a new year, but at many times throughout the year, when you see things that you can change about yourself and change with your family members.
While New Year’s resolutions are something that are oftentimes something that we get sidetracked from after a short time, they don’t have to be. If you can turn to a family member and to hold you accountable, you are and will be kept on a path to completion, and success. I hope you give it a try.
Keeping Thanksgiving Alive for More than One Day a Year
Thanksgiving has always represented a day to me when, whatever situation you’re in and wherever you find yourself, you go out of your way to be with your family and friends to share your life’s blessings. These were values instilled in me when I was growing up, and I’m more and more aware of the importance of instilling them in my own children now.
But how do you keep the traditions of Thanksgiving alive in a world where everyone seems to be busier and busier and where technology is changing our communication from face-to-face conversations to text messages on personal devices? I take two approaches to overcoming these kinds of challenges. First, I make it a point to work in our daily family conversations the things that we have to be thankful for. This includes everything from the basics such as our food, clothes, and house, to luxuries such as vacations and birthday and holiday gifts, to more intangible things such as our health and family time.
Second, I find a local charity, such as a food bank, where I can get my children some hands-on involvement in helping those less fortunate. I want them to get their hands dirty and see with their own eyes the help they can deliver to others as well as the need of the people they’re delivering it to. And I want them to walk away having a greater understanding of how lucky we are and how we cannot take our luck for granted, as there are many people just within our own community who don’t have what we have.
So, for us, we try to live the ideals of Thanksgiving every day. While it isn’t always easy to make this understood to young children, it’s something I firmly believe they need to understand so they are encouraged to give back to their communities.
I hope in the weeks before and after Thanksgiving that you, too, can find ways to remember to be thankful in your everyday life, and not just on the fourth Thursday of November.
Last-minute Halloween
Have you ever had a Halloween that simply seems to creep up on you? I mean, you have been seeing Halloween items in the store since July and meaning to start getting ready soon. Then, all of a sudden, you look at the calendar and, lo and behold, it’s Oct. 30 and you have no costumes, candy or pumpkin?
This has happened to me on more than a few occasions, and it’s not fun. You go to the store and find that all that is left are close-to-empty shelves, and you start feeling like the worst parent. But if this situation does happen to you, there are still some ways you can have a fun Halloween by getting a little creative.
As one example, one year when I waited too long to begin preparing, my family and I scrounged through the house and were able to come up with some great ideas for decorations by simply repurposing some old cardboard boxes and, for starters, making bats from them. For costumes, I found several fun websites that offered ideas on how to use other items around the house that we were able to use. For candy, I was lucky that our local supermarket still had a little left that we were able to make do with. And for decorations, since we luckily live near some pumpkin patches, we were able to find some extra pumpkins to spread the Halloween cheer.
However, while all turned out well, the experience taught me yet again the importance of planning -- and making sure I paid a visit to our local Sam’s Club as soon as I could once Halloween items are put out.
If you have to, you can definitely make last-minute Halloween plans work, but after some of my experiences, nothing beats planning ahead!
Speed Isn’t Everything: Finding Easy-to-Make Kids’ Dinners When One Parent Isn’t Home
As parents of two kids that always seem to have things to do, my wife and I sometimes find that we have to work hard to come up with nutritious but quick meals. Since my wife started working again this summer and since school has started back again, this challenge has become even more pressing.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t have a problem with cooking macaroni and cheese from a box every once and a while, but trying to do something that quick and easy every night would not be a good idea for either my or my kids’ health. With this in mind, I’ve recently been on the lookout in magazines and books for recipes that can be done in 15 minutes or less. Ideally, the recipes have dishes that are both good-tasting and healthy.
I’ve found the most important thing for me with this is to make sure I balance the meals. While I know my kids (and most kids) love eating carbohydrates, I know that’s not the best nutrient for my family. So if I’m going to do something fast, like a box of macaroni and cheese, I will also try to add fresh vegetables or a salad to the meal. And I also try to limit sweets (but this is our own family rule).
Above all, I want my kids to learn that eating healthily is important now and as they grow, and I hope the habits I teach now will stay with them as they become adults. Food options for adults are so numerous and diverse, it’s easy for people to get sidetracked from a healthy diet and revert to fast food on a regular basis. And this can have serious lifelong implications for their health.
How do you plan your kids’ meals? Do you find it a challenge for them to eat healthily, too? I would love to get your thoughts.
When Your Kids Are Good at Too Many Things
My oldest daughter has always excelled at almost every sport that she has tried. So, when my wife and I are asked, “How will you choose what sport she does next,” our answer is usually a blank stare for a second and then a quick response of “We’re still considering it.” This conundrum of a child who excels in many things and parents who are concerned about their child spreading herself or himself too thin is an issue that many parents have to face. While dealing with it isn’t easy for the parent or for the child, there are some practical approaches that can offer some help.
The hardest part for me as a father with this is that I want to allow my daughter to excel at the things that she can. At the same time, though, I know that if she’s going to reach her potential at whatever she chooses in life, she’s often going to have to choose to focus on a few areas and excel in those instead of trying to do everything and just be OK in all of them.
What has been helpful to me with this process is thinking back to my own experience growing up. I focused on music and acting, and I put myself out there in a few different areas in this capacity. I took trumpet lessons, acted in musicals, and sang in a few music groups. I balanced a lot of things and wore a lot of hats, and I think that for me, at least, helped me become a better all-around student. And I have to thank my own parents for pushing me to continue, to practice, and to get better, because without this support I don’t know if I would have pushed myself as hard as I did.
Drawing on this lesson as a parent, I want to do the same for my own kids, giving them choices and allowing them to make decisions about what works best for them, but also helping and supporting them in their decisions. I know that there will be difficult choices for them, that the successes will be invaluable in them becoming leaders and building self-esteem, and that the failures will be a part of success that will prepare them for the more serious challenges they’ll face later in life.
So how do we ultimately choose activities for our children? For my wife and me, I think it’s a decision that we mostly make ourselves for now. But as my kids have gotten older and advanced in school, we’ve gradually begun having more family meetings and giving them some independence to make choices in what they would like to do. The critical thing, though, is that we make it very clear that school work comes first, and that they consequently can only choose a select number of activities to take part in so they can balance their time. Importantly, if their school work suffers, their activities will have to be cut back. So far, the family meetings and decision process have not been difficult yet because my daughters are still quite young. But these will inevitably become trickier as my girls get older, and school and life become more demanding.
Have you had a similar experience with your children? What is your process for deciding what activities your kids participate in when they’re good at most things? I would love to get your comments.
Family Time as a Commodity During the Summer
Summer is a time to try and cut back on work to take a trip, spend time with my wife and kids or just get away. I think a lot of this has to do with the weather we have in the Midwest - I like getting outside and enjoying time in the sun with my family.
During these summer months and my time away from the office, I try to make individual time with each of my girls (I include my wife in this grouping as well) as I know that each of them are unique and has different interests. I find that having one-on-one time is important to get to know them better and learn what really lights their spark. Too often, I see kids (including my own at times) acting out because they are not getting enough individual attention and are often lumped together rather than being addressed as separate individuals (especially if they have siblings).
How do I combat this? One day at a time! I try and find at least 30 minutes per day when I can give each of my daughters attention (more if possible). I also will spend time with both of them together, playing games, grabbing an ice cream, you name it. What is most important is making sure that there is time available for all of us to spend together and that I am not so busy with work that the kids never see me, especially during times when my work is demanding.
For my eldest, I find that playing sports, getting outdoors, riding bikes or other such activities make her excited. I will walk in the door and she will ask me, “Dad can we go ride bikes?” This differs from my youngest who would much rather have me sit down and read a book with her (yes, they are that different). So as you can tell, it’s important to spend individual time with kids and get to know their likes and dislikes to truly make a difference in the relationship that you are having with them.
So, as you look forward to the rest of your summer, make sure you have some time to take off and be with your family. It is important and they all will appreciate it in the long run, even if they don’t show that appreciation at first! Think about the time as a deposit paid; you are making a deposit in your children that will pay off so many more times forward in the years to come!
The Real Meaning of Father’s Day
What comes to mind to you when you think of Father’s Day? Is it experiencing the thrill of giving your dad that perfect gift that you worked so hard to find? Is it going out for a big family dinner at your dad’s favorite restaurant? Or, for a lot of us, is it savoring one of those few occasions of the year when we can have a long, deep phone call with our dad.
For me, since I’ve become a father, what really has emerged as the meaning is spending time. Spending time talking, eating out, playing games, watching a movie, or traveling, or whatever, but just spending dedicated time together. This has been especially true for me on those Father’s Days when it was just my three daughters and me. The best examples of this are those Father’s Days when we decided to go to the park and have simple fun playing soccer, throwing a Frisbee or going on a hike in the woods.
In one sense, I think Father’s Day should be a day like any other. Granted, it’s a special day for people remember their father and all of the wonderful things that he did to make them the people that they became. But I mention it’s only a day because, for me, I would love to see more people carve out occasions to spend dedicated time with their father more than once or even several times a year.
With that said, though, I do have to commend society for designating a day where fathers can shine. Because of the way that mother and father roles traditionally evolved, mothers can often seem to get most of the limelight of a parental pair. Father’s Day helps parents get a more even spotlight, and helps us to remember to spend that one day with Dad.
So, this Father’s Day, keep in mind that the real meaning may not lie so much in what you do for your dad as much as how much (dedicated) time you spend doing it.
Do you agree or disagree? I would love to hear what Father’s Day means to you.
Summer Activities With Your Kids
As a parent, you either look forward to summer or dread it, as not only does this mean great weather, cooking out and the like, but it also means figuring out what this means for your kids, who will now be out of school and home 24/7. Some parents look to things like summer or day camps to relieve the burden, while others open up the front door and say have fun, while others end up setting their home up like a mini-school and providing opportunities to learn throughout the summer to augment their kids’ school education.
In my home, we have tended to follow the idea of not overscheduling the kids. I know my eldest is getting involved with T-ball this spring, and this will go into the summer. We also have been doing some swimming lessons as well, but so far that has been the limit to our schedule. This being said, though, I know that she and her sister will be involved with our church’s vacation Bible school for one week in the summer, and my eldest mentioned wanting to go to a Girl Scout camp this summer as well. But we will take this in chunks and see where it all leads from there.
We also believe that it is important for our eldest daughter (who will be in first grade next school year) to continue learning and not get lazy in her school habits over the summer. What this means is that we are setting aside a block of time every day when we have her work on some exercises that will continue to enhance her math and reading skills. We also have her read to us for at least a half-hour each night. While we cannot do the same things with our youngest (who is three), we still practice her numbers and letters and read with her every day as well – and the summer schedule will not change this!
As a father, I try and do what I can to use more of my vacation time during the summer so that I can spend as much time as I can with my girls. I know that my job takes a lot of time and effort, and during the year I do not get to have much time off. So, even an hour here or there helps in letting them know that I care and that they are important.
The one downside to summer is the amount of work that I have to do outside, which takes me away from spending time with the kids. Instead of fun things like hide and seek or other activities that we like to do together, there are times where I have to use a large chunk of the afternoon mowing the grass or doing another chore. While I know it makes the house look nice, it also is a bit of a time hog (in my humble opinion).
Anyway, there are so many fun things that you can do over the summer, do make sure to take the time to enjoy them with your own family. Also, don’t forget to let your kids be kids along the way as well – something that is very important in the scheme of things!
Zoo Time is Family Time
As a father, I am always looking to find fun ways to engage and interact with my kids. Whether it’s playing around the house, dancing around the living room or playing some catch outside, I try to be on their level and let them know that their Dad is there for them.
I find that it is important to try and encourage learning in the activities that I do, and thus we as a family do a number of things together that would allow for this. One of the things that we do every year is purchase an annual membership to our local zoo. The Potter Park Zoo in Lansing, MI, is a very nice zoo. It’s small, but still fun and full of little scientific wonders that are just amazing. One of the best advantages for us as a family has been the reciprocal agreements that this zoo has with other zoos and aquariums. This alone has allowed us to visit a number of zoos in the past that would have otherwise been a bit cost prohibitive.
Just last week for my birthday, I decided that I wanted to visit the Detroit Zoo, and we had a blast. Just watching the kids’ eyes light up when they saw some of these animals was priceless and worth taking the day off! Not only did they learn a lot that day, but I did as well. I learned about my kids and what interests them and what they like/dislike. For example, I was interested to watch my eldest practicing her tactile learning. I have always known that she is a hands-on learner, but this trip really showed me that if I give her something to do with her hands she can solve it amazingly fast, whereas my youngest is much more contemplative, looking at the animals for long periods of time and asking lots of clarifying questions. While I had seen this in them in small snippets in the past, this trip really opened my eyes to their differences!
I think that all parents need these types of opportunities to touch base and check-in with the family as kids grow up so quickly. I know for me, these years have gone by in the blink of my eye. And I imagine that the rest of their childhood will continue to go by as quickly!
So I continue to look for ways to interact with my kids that brings time together and fun. I know that as the weather continues to get nicer there will be a ton of other ways to connect, and I am really looking forward to it!
So what do you do if you don’t have a zoo near you? There are so many different activities to find and explore – you can check your local newspaper for special activities in your area or go online to your town’s website. You can always visit the local museum or head outside for some hiking, geocaching or even a picnic together. It can even be a small activity such as taking the family out for ice cream. The important thing is the time you spend together, not the activity per se!
